


why should i wait for tomorrow?

by falsealarm



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-07-07 11:58:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15907830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falsealarm/pseuds/falsealarm
Summary: Even if she knows that whatever happens will end badly—that eventually Amaya is going to leave—Zari needs to know. If this time loop is good for anything, it’s good for a love confession.[a selection of missing loops from episode 3.11]





	why should i wait for tomorrow?

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [Zari Tomaz Week 2018](https://zaritomazweek.tumblr.com/) \-- Day 3: Favorite relationship.
> 
> I was going to write something else originally and then I didn't think I was going to write anything at all but THEN I rewatched "Here I Go Again" last night for like the millionth time and had Feelings so I decided to try writing them. Vaguely edited by me and only me so it's probably a little messy but hey, I wrote a thing!

Somewhere between the snowball fight and her costume montage Zari decides she has something to get off her chest. Well—the thing on her chest has been there for a while, she doesn’t just wake up to Sara scolding her and decide it’s there, she decides she has to _do something about it_.

But the doing something is the hard part. Doing has always been the hardest part for Zari when it comes to her feelings.

There are emotional obstacles, things she needs to work out first but there are endless loops for that. There are human-shaped obstacles too. A crew that seems to just keep appearing despite Zari knowing their exact schedule. Mick has been keeping to himself though and Sara seems to all but disappear after Zari leaves her. Ray is perpetually doing his laundry but he’s always wild, Zari’s learned to watch out for their resident boy scout.

It’s Nate that’s always just _there_ , right in the way every single time. With the way things are timed there’s no way that Zari will ever be able to get to Amaya before him—no matter how fast she runs or how quickly she can jump on comms to ask Amaya to meet her in her bunk—Nate and Amaya are basically inside the library before Zari even resets.

She takes some loops to plan things out. Sits on her bed with her legs crossed and her hands clasped together as she works out what she wants to say and where she wants to say it and by the time the ship explodes for the third time she thinks she’s got it down.

 

\---

 

Zari lets the start of the loop run its course. She “aye ayes” Sara, lets Ray drop to the floor and slides into the hallway outside the library just as Amaya exits.

“Amaya.”

Amaya startles and Zari sees a flicker of regret, something sorrowful slip from her face as she turns to greet Zari with a somewhat forced smile. It’s an unsteady start. “Zari, hi.”

“Could we—,” they’re still outside the open library doors and Zari takes a step forward, nodding her head in the direction Amaya was going, “could I talk to you about something?”

Amaya moves with her and they start a steady pace down the hall, “of course.”

The movement jostles Zari. She hadn’t planned to be moving when she said any of this, thought they would be stationary and in her bunk where it was quiet and safe and—actually Zari hadn’t pictured Amaya in her spandex outfit for this either. Every time she turns to Amaya to say something she catches sight of the shimmering white of her suit and the blue of her eye shadow and feels like she’s going to trip over her own feet. And every time she thinks she’s going to trip she stops herself from speaking so eventually they’ve gotten all the way to Amaya’s bunk and Zari hasn’t said a single word.

It’s clear, in that silence, that Amaya’s been thinking about her conversation with Nate more, the sorrow is back, furrowed in her brow when they finally stop in front of Amaya’s door.

“Never mind, I’ll tell you later.”

Amaya seems relieved to be freed even through her polite head nod and small smile. “Over dinner?”

“Sure, yeah. Dinner.”

Dinner gets blown up with the rest of the ship.

 

\---

 

For her second try, Zari decides to skip the library entirely. She had been thinking this whole thing would take place in her own bunk but that was always wishful thinking, Zari has to be more practical. So she decides to meet Amaya at _her_ bunk.

That same look is on her face though, the “I love Nate but we can’t work” kind of look that Zari still doesn’t know what to do with. The timing for this time loop is great for the ship blowing up, sure, but it’s super shitty for Zari trying to tell Amaya how she feels.

Amaya’s taller than Zari in her platforms which is a little intimidating but she does sound genuinely happy to see Zari. It’s a welcome jolt of confidence. “Zari, hi.”

“Hey, could I talk to you about something?”

“Yes, of course,” Amaya says, the door to her bunk whooshing open so the two of them can enter. She sits down almost immediately, feet dangling off the side of her bed as she reaches down to pull her shoes off.

Zari sticks a little closer to the door, still unsure of how she wants to start this conversation even though at this point she’s planned the content down to every last intake of breath. The clunk of Amaya’s platforms against the floor pulls Zari’s attention forward again and she looks up to find Amaya waiting patiently but there’s something wrong about the way she’s sitting. Her shoulders are a little stooped, head down even as her eyes are on Zari.

Before she can stop herself, Zari finds herself asking: “hey, are you okay?”

Amaya seems a little taken aback by the question, like perhaps she thought she was hiding her feelings better. She takes a second then sighs, a sigh that’s full of the kind of emotion that isn’t at all conducive to what Zari wanted to say but she dug herself this hole, she’s gotta let Amaya fill it. “I did something I shouldn’t have on the mission.”

Immediately, Zari responds: “You slept with Nate.”

This time there’s actual shock on Amaya’s face and Zari realizes she probably shouldn’t know that, not unless she was eavesdropping on them in the library. Which, technically, in this loop she didn’t but—

“How did you know?”

“After-sex glow?” Zari offers uneasily, face contorting into something close to a smile in an effort to joke but Amaya seems to ignore it, caught up in her own feelings.

“I still love him but we can’t be together, not if I’m going back to Zambesi.”

 _Zambesi_.

Zari had nearly forgotten about Zambesi, had forgotten that eventually Amaya was going to leave the ship, leave Nate, leave _her_. “Yeah,” Zari says after a few beats, “that’s—you’re smart to stop it now. So no one gets hurt.”

“So no one gets hurt,” Amaya repeats, mostly to herself, like she’s still trying to convince herself it’s the right thing to do.

A cold, roiling thing is kicking up in the bottom of Zari’s stomach. Regret, fear, rage bubbling somewhere alongside maybe too and suddenly Zari feels like she needs to leave the room. “I um, Sara needed me to do something,” she tries not to trip over her words or her feet as she backs up towards the door.

“But you said—,” Amaya starts. Zari cuts her off:

“No, it’s fine, you’re uh, it was nothing. I’ll see you later.”

Zari spends the rest of her loop eating her weight in donuts and pretending that she isn’t heartbroken.

 

\---

 

Try three is replaced by four loops of video games and enough sugar to turn a kindergarten class into a raging war party.

It helps, even if Zari’s progress doesn’t get saved.

 

\---

 

After the video games, Zari decides to try something else. She doesn’t feel like confessing in this loop, her heart still too tender, so instead she decides to cheer Amaya up, or at least to try to. Amaya doesn’t seem to be having a nice time during this loop and Zari thinks that’s a shame, especially since she’s already eaten her weight in whipped cream.

Zari makes sure she’s smiling when she meets Amaya at her bunk and is pleasantly surprised when her smile is met with another, brighter than the last Zari saw from Amaya. It gives Zari hope. It also spurs her to speak. “Hey, can I show you something?”

“Right now?”

“It’ll only take a minute, I promise.”

“Alright,” Amaya answers before she steps closer to her door, letting it whoosh open as she leans against the door frame. “Hold on a second.” Then she’s leaning down, unzipping and pulling her platforms free from her feet and chucking them into her room. Bare feet on the Waverider floor, Amaya’s back down to Zari’s height and Zari has the urge to grab for her hand but stifles it, smiles instead as Amaya says, “lead the way.”

After a few quiet moments they’re down in the storage bay or history vault or whatever it’s called but Zari’s already reaching for the Stradivarius before Amaya can try to tell her not to. “It’s fine, I’ve been careful.”

“You’ve _been_ careful?”

“Here just,” Zari turns with the violin in hand and points to the crate opposite her, “just sit down okay.”

Amaya looks curious, whatever sorrow she’d taken with her from the library seems to be melting away the longer Zari stands before her. She’s been playing the violin for nearly half her loops by now. She’s far from mastered it but she thinks she’s good enough to show Amaya, or at least bad enough to give Amaya a bit of a laugh, that would be okay too.

The piece she’s been working on is short. Zari isn’t playing it at full speed yet and still needs sheet music so by the time she’s worked her way through the whole thing it’s been at least five minutes. It _feels_ like everything went well—Zari feels a sense of accomplishment. She doesn’t remember any hiccups or sharp notes but she does remember the glimpse of Amaya’s smile she saw during a break somewhere in the middle. But still, there’s a charged calmness in the air when Zari pulls the violin from her chin that sets some unease in her stomach.

“That was beautiful, Zari.” Amaya’s voice is soft, almost a whisper in the quiet room.

“I get better every time,” Zari assures her as she moves to put the violin back in its place, almost scared to look at Amaya. When she turns back around, there are tears in Amaya’s eyes and Zari feels her stomach drop.

But Amaya’s smiling too and the tears haven’t dropped, at least not as far as Zari can see in the dim light. Amaya is up from the crate and into her space before Zari can say anything else, reaching out to gently hold Zari’s hand and squeeze it in encouragement as she says again, “that was _beautiful_.”

A blush creeps up the back of Zari’s neck as Amaya smiles at her, an earnestness to her gaze that has Zari’s stomach fluttering too.

“I thought it might—,” Zari whispers after a quiet moment. She wants to say _cheer you up_ but pointing out Amaya’s sadness seems like the wrong move now that she’s smiling again. “I thought you’d like it.”

“I loved it, Zari, thank you for sharing it with me.” Amaya squeezes her hand again. Zari sees her curiosity peeking through before she speaks but not fast enough to steel herself. “When did you have the time to learn? And how have you been sneaking down here without Sara knowing?”

“Hah, um,” the back of Zari’s neck is hot to the touch as Zari brings a hand up to cradle it. “I’m just super sneaky,” she says after a moment but she can tell Amaya doesn’t believe her, tries immediately to change the topic. “Hey do you—are you hungry? I’m _starving_ we should definitely go eat.”

“I am,” Amaya answers, “but I still want to know how long you’ve been practicing.”

“I’ll tell you over dinner. But hey, you probably want to shower first right? You shower and I’ll have Ray start dinner.” Zari’s already halfway out of the room, trying to escape Amaya’s questions as smoothly as she can.

“You promise you’ll tell me over dinner?”

“Definitely, over dinner you will find out.”

Amaya raises an eyebrow but nods, “Alright, dinner in a half hour then.”

“A half hour.”

Dinner gets blown up with the rest of the ship, again.

 

\---

 

The official third try is the least productive yet.

She decides to catch Ray this time—it really does hurt watching him fall—but because of that he _follows_ her when she leaves the room. So instead of heading for Amaya’s she has to actually go to the engine room and pretend to fix Gideon. Which, by this point, she has tried literally everything she can think of to get Gideon back online and none of it’s worked so even five minutes of pretending gives Zari a headache.

“Ray,” Zari says after she unhooks and re-hooks something back into a wall panel, “don’t you want to change?”

“Oh,” Ray looks down at his outfit like he’d completely forgotten what he was wearing, his diatribe about crew dynamics stopped in its tracks. “I do actually, thank you for the reminder. Good luck!”

Then he’s gone, leaving Zari with the Waverider’s steady hum in her ears and a growing headache behind her eyes. She still wants to see Amaya despite the setback, doesn’t think she wants to tell her but she wants to see her at the very least. Maybe they can actually eat dinner this time, Zari always comes back at the start of a loop feeling hungry, no matter how much she’d eaten the loop before.

But Amaya isn’t in her bunk when Zari gets there. She isn’t in the shower and she isn’t in the kitchen but she is in the library.

She’s in the library and so is Nate and there aren’t jaguar noises this time but Zari still feels like she’s gonna barf.

 

\---

 

The fourth try ends up being Zari asking Amaya if she wants to try playing Mario Kart later. She says yes which is nice but later is post-explosion, the timing of this loop really, _really_ sucks.

 

\---

 

When the fifth try starts Zari isn’t sure what she’s going to do. Well first she’s going to “aye aye” Sara and then she’s going to let Ray fall and then she’s going to leave the room but after that—she’s starting to lose steam, this whole thing might be more trouble than it’s worth.

On auto-pilot she heads to Amaya’s bunk anyways but she’s shuffling her feet, taking her time and Amaya’s already inside when Zari gets there, seems like she’s already heading to the bathroom to shower as the doors whoosh open. She’s still in her white suit but she’s shed her shoes, has her robe draped over one arm.

“Oh, Zari, hi.”

“You’re, are you leaving?”

“To shower. Did you need something?” Amaya’s watches Zari expectantly and Zari feels like squirming a little. Amaya’s gaze has always felt a little heavy on her and this time, despite her burgeoning confession, it almost feels unwelcome.

“Never mind,” Zari waves her hand, ducks her head and tries to move past her but Amaya reaches out, grasps Zari’s forearm just strong enough to get her to stop.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Amaya’s hand is warm, her hands are always warm and Zari feels nerves in her belly but her confession isn’t ready to come out yet. This time doesn’t feel right, somehow, even with Amaya so close and the quiet care apparent in her voice. “Just having a weird day.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I’m fine, I just need a nap.”

“Zari,” Amaya grips her arm a little tighter, urging Zari’s attention upward. Her eyes are soft, not pleading but the sincerity is there, the way it always is when Amaya checks in with her.

Zari lets her gaze drop to Amaya’s mouth briefly. She could just kiss her. Kissing Amaya would be the easiest way to tell her how she feels without really telling her but everything still feels wrong this loop. Kissing Amaya would be nice but at this point it feels almost like a cop-out. She locks eyes with Amaya again, “I promise I just need a nap.”

Amaya stares right back and Zari feels tingling at the back of her neck, low in her belly but then Amaya lets go of her forearm. “You come find me if you want to talk, alright?”

“Yeah,” Zari nods, “of course.”

Twenty minutes later Zari thinks about finding Amaya to talk but her pocket watch is already counting down the seconds. None of these loops are really good for talking anyways.

 

\---

 

She takes a couple loops to herself after that. For video games and another try at Mick’s flamethrower pistol whatever and then trying to get the food fabricator to make the biggest cake it can fit in its little cubby.

The cake has some very intricate icing work and it tastes delicious but Zari thinks it would probably taste better if Amaya were there to eat it with her. Even if Amaya would say it was far too sweet.

She’s willing to try one last time. Even if she knows that whatever happens will end badly—that eventually Amaya is going to leave—Zari needs to know. If this time loop is good for anything, it’s good for a love confession.

 

\---

 

Zari tries to bide her time for her sixth try. It’s this time or bust so she doesn’t want to rush it. She lets Amaya and Nate talk in the library, she lets Amaya get back to her room, even lets Amaya shower. She wasn’t—it’s not like she was _watching_ Amaya shower or anything but it’s surprisingly easy to hide from the crew in the bathroom despite how many of them there are. So she watches Amaya leave the bathroom, waits five minutes, then strides up to her bunk and knocks politely.

“Who is it?” Amaya calls through the door. Muffled by the hulking mass of steel Zari can hardly hear what she says but she answers back at a volume she thinks will penetrate the door:

“It’s Zari, I was wondering if you were—can we,” the doors whoosh open before Zari can finish her sentence and Amaya’s standing still barefoot in the middle of her room. Still barefoot and still in her robe and Zari’s voice goes quiet, “talk?”

“Come in,” Amaya smiles and Zari feels at once pulled towards her and stuck firmly to the floor. After a second Amaya waves her hand, “Zari, I’m in my robe.”

“Yeah, no, sorry, uh huh.” Zari shoots forward, making sure to keep distance between herself and Amaya as she enters the room, the doors whooshing closed behind her.

“Did you need something?” Amaya’s turned back to her dresser, starts pulling clothes out and Zari is finding it hard to concentrate.

Her robe is covering what robes do, more so than a towel so Zari’s lucky really, but Amaya’s hair is still up in pins from where it was set for her wig and Zari can see the still-damp line of her neck plus a sliver of her shoulder—

“Zari?” Amaya’s turned to face her again, a pair of something in hand and curiosity on her face that’s slowly teetering into concern the longer Zari stays quiet.

Her robe is open a little at the chest though, enough that Zari can see collarbones and that is certainly not helping the situation. Zari averts her gaze, “Sorry, this isn’t how I thought this would go.”

“How you thought what would go?”

“I’ve been trying to tell you something but things keep getting in the way and now you’re—well now I feel weird saying what I want to say because you’re in your robe.”

“Am I offending your modesty?” Amaya teases and Zari instinctively looks up, rolls her eyes.

“ _No_ , I just don’t want you to think I’m saying this because you’re in your robe.”

“I can change,” Amaya offers and Zari thinks for a moment then pulls out her pocket watch. She’s still got ten minutes to go, that’s plenty of time for Amaya to change and Zari to spit out her feelings. She doesn’t need much time after that for discussion or anything, she just wants Amaya’s gut reaction, that’s the purest answer she’ll ever get.

“Yeah, actually, that would be great. I’ll be outside.”

She leaves before Amaya can say anything but she hears a breathy huff of laughter as she leaves, feels it warm beneath her ribs as she leans against the wall beside Amaya’s door. She tries to go over what she wants to say in her head as she waits, rephrasing one sentence, swapping it out for another and two minutes into her rehearsal she sees blonde hair down the hall. Instinctively, Zari darts in the opposite direction, scurrying down until she can find the closest open doorway.

“Zari,” Ray says, surprise in his voice, “aren’t you supposed to be fixing Gideon?”

“Zari?” Sara echoes from outside and Zari whispers a quiet “shit” before rocketing out of the door and towards the kitchen. She makes it down two halls before Sara’s on the comms, “Zari, I’m heading to the engine room right now and if you’re not in there so help me—.”

Zari switches off comms, pulls out her pocket watch and she’s only got four minutes left now. “Shit,” she murmurs to herself again and quickly maps out the fastest route back to Amaya’s room before speeding off.

“Amaya, let me in.” Zari isn’t pounding on the door but she is knocking a little loudly. Fortunately, the door whooshes open after the third knock-bang to reveal Amaya fully clothed.

“Sara said that on the team channel, you know that right?”

“Screw Sara,” Zari huffs, nearly tripping over the corner of Amaya’s bed as she moves inside.

“Zari,” Amaya starts, concern on her face and Zari breathes out, closes her eyes as she starts to speak again.

“Sorry, I just—I really want to say this and I’ve only got like three minutes left and I told myself this was the last time I was gonna try.”

“Try what?” Zari’s still got her eyes closed but she can feel Amaya take a step closer to her, feels the space in front of her warm. “Are you okay?”

“I like you.”

“I like you too,” Amaya replies softly.

“No, I—I’m in love with you,” Zari clarifies, opening her eyes to find Amaya not just closer to her but _in her space_. She’s close enough that Zari could reach out and touch her if she wanted but instead she studies Amaya’s face. Watches as the surprise in the lines of her forehead, the squint of her eyes, softens to something warm, something open and tender.

Zari feels emotion swell in her chest, hot and sudden. She wants to touch Amaya now, thinks normally this would be the time to _ask permission_ but instead she tilts forward a little and finds that Amaya’s permission is granted as she leans forward too.

Kissing Amaya feels like everything Zari had hoped it would be. It feels like the air after a summer rainstorm and the first time Zari ate cotton candy and the warmth of Zari’s bed at the end of a long night. Kissing Amaya—being _kissed_ by Amaya makes Zari’s whole body feel like it’s on fire which is just fine anyways because the ship is due to explode in 3, 2, 1—

**Author's Note:**

> The song Zari plays in the show (and for Amaya in this fic) is the Largo movement of Vivaldi's Winter ([x](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cqhC_paryE)).


End file.
